


How Jean Havoc Discovered His Heterosexuality

by memoriescantwait (orphan_account)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Bicuriosity, Humor, M/M, One Night Stands, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:37:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/memoriescantwait
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Havoc is sick to death of losing his girlfriends to his womanizing commanding officer. So, he figures, why not see if he's into men? That way, Roy can't steal his partners anymore, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Jean Havoc Discovered His Heterosexuality

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xslytherclawx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/gifts).



> Ridiculous prompt that xslytherclawx and I came up with in a Skype chat, and I knew I just _had_ to write it. Also, this is yet another one-shot that turned out to be a multi-chapter fic so I didn't lose the draft.

Colonel Mustang had  _all_ the luck, didn't he?

Any woman in East City was his. Any woman, he could just twirl them around his little finger. The second Roy realized he wanted a woman, she was his. All he had to do was say the right words, give the right gestures, and it was like magic: they fell into his arms.

At least, that was how it looked to the most hard-luck of his Second Lieutenants, Jean Havoc. Because, for one, far too many of the girls Roy charmed were _his_ dates. And they had the tendency to drop Havoc like a hot potato the second Roy came calling.

"Cheer up, buddy!" Second Lieutenant Breda had told his friend and teammate one night over drinks at The Sharpshooter, the bar closest to Eastern Command and their favorite watering hole. "I'm sure you'll find the right girl one day! One who won't leave you for the Colonel!"

"I don't know, man..." Havoc replied, slouching on the bar as he took another long, sorrowful drag on his cigarette, and then gulped down some of his beer. "The Chief's got so much more money and prestige, and he can take the girls to these fancy places like plays and operas and crap... And he knows all the right things to say. I never know what the right things are to say!" He banged his fist on the table, the beer clearly starting to go to his head.

"Yeah, but he's also kinda short," Breda responded, although even he had to know that his attempts at reassuring Havoc were not very good ones. "And even he knows it. Why do you think he picks on the Boss about his height so much?"

"Women don't give a fuck about short," Havoc said, almost leaning into his beer. "Not when you've got money to throw around and good lucks and charm!"

"I'm sure many women find you attractive, too," Breda said.

"But not the other stuff! And that's what matters! And I can't ever hope to be as good as the Chief!" And now he was banging his beer on the table, too, and spilling some of it over. He took a swig before Breda could grab his arm to get him to stop. The blond had had _way_ too much to drink, and Breda wanted to keep him from causing a ruckus before he could get them both thrown out.

"I'm thinking of just giving up," Havoc said quietly, into his mug, as he took another small sip. He looked he was about to blow bubbles in it, so Breda grabbed it from him.

"No, no, don't do that," Breda reassured him, patting his friend's shoulder. "I'm sure you'll find someone who will like you better than the Colonel."

Havoc sighed, and leaned back so far in his stool that Breda had to catch him before he could fall over.

"Yeah, but who?" he said. "And _when_?"


End file.
